I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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