i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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