Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
