I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
