i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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