ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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