oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
