My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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