3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
