So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
