I am spending my child support on dildos
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
