Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Are my feet made of real feet?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
