i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
