Are we in a gay sports bar?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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