I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
