I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
