Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
