We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
