nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
