Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
