she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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