Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
