dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
