32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
