I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
