my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
