I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
