you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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