all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
