His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the condom got lost in my hair
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
