The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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