every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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