I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
