I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
