Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
