So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
