I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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