In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
