I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
