then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
