I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
