theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
