Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
