I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
