mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
