He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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