I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
