If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
