I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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