K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
