I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
