i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
