I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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