just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
