Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
